VAULT DWELLERS SERVED

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

The Navy Is As Obsolete As Wooden Washboards

The U.S.S. Zumwalt needs to be towed from the Panama Canal after this super boondoogle "next-gen" ship almost falls apart simply trying to move around.

World's largest piece of floating scrap metal needs to be towed away

Engine just blew up attempting something tricky ... like a turn

4 Billion dollar coral reef starter

... held together by bluetack, gaffer tape and bubble gum. Flooded with seawater internally in the equipment bays. Another fine product of American engineering circa 2016. Trump, please fire all these guys and start over again.

They were leaking dope on the Zumwalt before it came out of drydock and anybody who had seen it performing in the field said the thing was a four billion dollar floating turd. It was rumored to be all form, no substance - like a Hollywood prop. Once you got past the show it was absolutely unseaworthy and did not stand a chance against the next generation of mostly remoted craft.

This would make an excellent stage for a Village People reunion video remake of  "In The Navy." As a weapon of war it is a joke.



I just see the Chinese teenage kid piloting one of those hypersonic drones in World War Three suddenly realizing he has cut the ship in half accidentally before it could even register him coming on radar. "Holee Cow! I think I just hit something!!!" (Potato chips flying everywhere) He turns around to make a second pass trying to balance a Mountain Dew on his knee. "I tink it iz sunk! Dammed Yankee sailors go home! Okay, nice try capitalist dogs! I drop some atomic cluster grenades just to be on safe side they also double as depth charges! Oh gosh I just got the bonus insta-kill perk! Look at me I am high scoreboard leader! Right on!" (Zumwalt vanishes with all aboard forever)

12 comments:

nfoe said...

https://hackaday.io/project/6151-diy-ultralight-pistol-stab-proof-stf-armor

styrac1 said...

#Pizzagate is real

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/nov/22/james-alefantis-dc-power-player-blasts-insane-redd/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggvQdZXMGLw

Ron said...

You could write the absolutely most awesome stories. Seriously man, I can understand why you dont, because survival is important, but the stuff you write is great also for the comedy. you have a similar broken hearted, loving cynicism like in catch-21

Ron said...

In the other hand, if you are right and this place goes boom, well, i hope you'll be able to write in your shelter. Try to remember us honestly but kindly.

Eric Green said...

On a related note, America's new aircraft carrier can't leave its pier:

http://www.defensenews.com/articles/carrier-ford-has-serious-power-problem

Zumwalt's engineers sent to "re-certify" (yes, that'll help):

https://www.navytimes.com/articles/navy-orders-big-lcs-changes-after-engineering-problems

Over $400 billion and the F-35 still doesn't work:

http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/26/politics/f-35-fighter-jet-problems-gilmore-memo

Meanwhile, the Chinese are capable of launching three new warships in one day:

http://www.popsci.com/china-gets-three-warships-one-day

Ibn Nafis said...

tex do you have any pictures of real non-fake neanderthal amud skulls

Texas Arcane said...

@Ibn Nafis

You're in luck. Somebody screwed up big time and left a photo of the original Shanidar 1 online :

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7c/Shanidar_skull.jpg/200px-Shanidar_skull.jpg

Normally you get shown a picture of a gorilla skull nowadays. The Israeli government long ago started taking photos like this one offline. Flatfaced enough for you? Where oh where is the ponderous six inch brow? Shameful Neanderthal must have been an aberration.

Texas Arcane said...

@Ibn Nafis

This is the skull originally found during the early Japanese excavations of the site in the 1920s which Israel now has erased from the scientific record. Never happened.

Texas Arcane said...

@Ibn Nafis

Easy to see why they were thinking this was some sort of super swole ripped Cro-Magnon for decades before they realised this was just a modern Neanderthal.

Ibn Nafis said...

@Tex
Woah ok thank you for finding it man, I'll save it on my computer just in case, seems really hard to find.

Damn I compared it with the so-called "neanderthal skulls" I see on google and that's what I get:

http://australianmuseum.net.au/uploads/images/10930/human%20ev%20004_medium.jpg
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/f-neanderthals-a-201408221.jpg

Kind of impressing how they lie.

styrac1 said...

Apparently Andrew Breitbart knew of Pizzagate and tweeted about Podesta being a pedophile ring-leader in 2011, shortly before his death. This is creepy stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtOp9jsQcqE

Texas Arcane said...

@Ibn Nafis

I would bet you anything that the link you added for the Australian Museum is not even a human skull. Probably one of Protsch's "Guaranteed 100% certified Neanderthal skulls" he sold worldwide as absolute validated. He apparently marketed hundreds of these things and now universities keep them up after he was found out because they are embarrassed to admit they got swindled.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2005/feb/19/science.sciencenews

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