Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Put Your Faith In The Scienmagistical Power of Scienmagistics

They're right and you're wrong. 

Until they turn out to be totally wrong, at which time they are still right and you are still wrong. Back off man, I'm a scienmagist. Right and wrong have nothing to do with it.

One morning around Columbus Circle in New York I was eating a huge plate of scrambled eggs about six inches high with a guy named "Buffalo Bob," who had a 22 inch arm and once lifted the rear wheels of a 1972 Cadillac Deville on 59th street and put the car on top of a fire hydrant because it had parked him in. (The car was still there 4 days later before they found a tow truck that could lift it off, cops were probably on a manhunt for the crowd of several hundred kids who must've done it) Bob was eating 9-inch greasy sausages on his second plate. The elderly lady next to us, a patrician but slightly snobby woman who looked like she always sorted her recyclables, said "I hope you two know what that is doing to your hearts." Had to give her points for being bold enough to say it out loud.

We looked at each other and began laughing so hard I was afraid one of us would choke on our food. "Lady, Bob here weighs 312 pounds and has a resting pulse of 44. I weigh 223 this morning and have a resting pulse of 32 and my blood pressure is 110/72 as of last week. We will likely outlive every single person in this restaurant, starting with you."

She snorted and gave us a frown that frightened both of us despite our towering frames. You can't talk to crazy people and the craziest people of all are the ones who think televitz is telling them the truth about anything. Remember, if itz on the televitz, itz a lie. Good rule of thumb right there.

When that massive flood of protein digested in my stomach I could feel it coursing through my body leaving me with an extraordinary sensation of well-being that could only result from those eggs being very, very good for me, especially first thing in the morning when their impact on my metabolism seemed to be the highest. Only a person who was just not on speaking terms with their own body could fail to note the correlation. That's what televitz does to you - it becomes an authority that screams down your own ancient wisdom that is the product of a million years of genetic refinement. Televitz is such a powerful evil it can shut down that inner light and replace it with an authoritative sounding voice that tells you that sunlight, fresh air and eggs are bad for you. This is the reason that people pay billions of dollars to buy television stations. It is the prince and the power of the air. Ephesians 2:2.

People in Australia think I'm a strong guy when they find out about me. I was just barely strong enough to give Bob a squat spot in the gym. I never saw anybody like that guy again. The last time I saw Bob he was doing super-slow dips with 300 pounds hanging around his waist. Traumatic stuff to see with the naked eye. Disturbing. The guy was like a human powered demolition crane. I used to tell Bob he could sell his services as a gigantic earth moving device on construction sites in return for all the sausages he could eat.

I always noticed Bob had those peculiar receding periorbital sockets around his eyes like me but for the life of me could not figure out why that was. Sometimes he'd catch me looking closely at him and probably wondered if I had a secret gay crush on him. Actually, I couldn't help but notice we looked like cousins. Sometimes he would make an expression and it was like looking at a family relative, the similar look to the face, eyes and skull shape. Weirdest of all, as a person who never had more than three friends in New York in all the time I was there, Bob and I had spoke briefly for a minute one night after leaving the gym and after that began to fall in together like soldiers stationed on the same brutal campaign at the front. When Bob talked, I heard echoes of my own mind. He was one of my kinsmen. When I saw his great strength I had a kind of pride like you might feel if your brother or uncle was that strong. I felt Bob saw the world with my eyes, shared my ideas, had a similar flavour to his impressions of everything. He'd sometimes go very quiet and serious and take several minutes to think deeply about something I had said in a way ordinary people are simply incapable of. He listened with great curiosity when I talked to him about books he had never read - I could see he wished that he had and was content to hear me recollect them to him. I felt a kind of silent pact between us against "all of them," long before I could put any vocabulary to it. We had to stick together, I thought. There were not many of us in the world. Once Bob told me of how short life might be and how through strength training there was at least one thing you could put your hand to and "do with all your might," quoting from St. Paul. I nodded at what he was saying and marvelled at how it had begun to seem like I knew what he was thinking even when he wasn't speaking. It was a good place inside that head of my kinsman. He was a fundamentally good sort … as long you didn't park him in when we were coming out of the YMCA.

I noticed another thing - even though Bob was quite capable of being an alpha any time he wanted to be, he tended to conduct himself like a beta in almost all the ways that count. Like me, he had a kind of reverential air most of the time when a young girl showed interest, a sort of polite and courteous detachment that appeared to be waiting on her to make all the advances. He was nevertheless much more successful with women in general as was everybody I knew. Once he was giving me the lecture at breakfast about how I only had to make the effort. He said he didn't think I was gay but I was definitely something. I mentioned how he was similar to me in many ways, particularly around women and he told me sometimes we have to adopt "their" ways in doing things or we were destined to be alone. Never elaborated on this "they" and "their," just said it like he assumed I knew exactly what he meant, almost a conspiratorial whisper. I always wanted to ask Bob - how did you know that I automatically understood a whole different order of relationships between men and women? Where could you have possibly acquired a notion like that? I didn't know at the time that Bob and I were descended from the same exogamous matriarchy in which men and women had related to one another in vastly superior fashion to anything we saw amongst these people.

I told Bob how I had been pretty badly hurt the year before by this girl I met while I was working up at the ice cream shop. He told me, "We all got a story like that. The fact is, they all betray each other constantly and we are not designed for all this switch-on, switch-off I love you now I hate you bullsh*t. It is too much for our insides. We have to toughen up and remember, if they hurt us they must not be from our clan they are just others we don't have any business with anyhow. This is the way they sort out their mates and the results speak for themselves. You should accept that it is not you it is their way of doing these things." This seemed to help me quite a bit after he said this. I knew he was right. They were not from our clan. The women in our tribe knew perfectly well how to let you down gently and send you packing without needing to destroy you. If you had asked me what the name of this tribe was, I could not have imagined. I just knew he was right in what he was saying.

My only other friend was a Polynesian named Rohan Rathan who was just about one of the coolest people I had ever known in my entire life. Another good sort. Remnant of the great Neanderthal migration worldwide after the eruption of the super-volcano Toba at 80,000 years which looks suspiciously like somebody detonated an implosion bomb on a dormant volcanic vent. My other friend was Hutchinson Persons, my boss at Street News (obvious melonhead, easiest identification ever). Those two guys and "Buffalo" Bob Bryant were the only people I ever really carried on a conversation with during the six years I lived in New York city.

The YMCA was awesome. Best equipment at the cheapest membership prices. All serious athletes trained there. Then these idiots ruined everything. The problem with Gomorrah is that they can't stay in Gomorrah, got to make everyplace into Gomorrah. You know what happens then. You have to find ten men or else the whole place fries. Very tough survival mode challenge level by God. Nobody has ever gotten the achievement perk.

That's it. The McBurney branch on 125th street. I used to train there 4 days a week, three days HIT and one day aerobic training. This was the YMCA where I went from 164 pounds when I moved to New York City in 1986 to 265 pounds in the fall of 1991 at 12% body fat without ever touching steroids. When I met my wife I had deliberately shaved off 30 pounds so I was at 7% body fat for about a half a year in California. My carefully maintained logs showed I increased my strength nearly 400% in most muscle groups. When I moved to New York I thought curling 50 pounds was about right for 9 reps. In the fall of 1991 I was curling 180 pounds free weight for 18 reps with ease. There was a physical trainer there at the McBurney gym who told me he had never seen anything like that in all the time he had been in gyms. He described it as "Bruce Banner, comic book stuff." This same guy tipped off the police when they were investigating the McBurney gym that I was probably part of the 'roids ring there, I'd have to be because I had essentially mutated overnight into this stone colossus. The police talked to me twice and ended up believing me when I told them I didn't even like to take aspirin and was scared to death of needles.

I got a really funny anecdote about this. The last time I took a shower at the YMCA, I resolved would be the last. I was walking up the stairs from the huge communal showers there (with a towel on) and a hispanic guy who was headed down asked me "What is the mericon situation down there?" I told him, "Wall-to-wall. If you drop your soap down there, remember a new bar is only .99 cents but you will never recover your anal virginity." This hispanic guy was laughing so hard he had tears coming to his eyes and he said "Fugg it, I will just shower in the washroom. That is a one-way only exit ramp." I never forgot this. I never even knew the guy's name but we had a pretty good laugh at that. That would have been the fall of 1991 I think. Seems like hundreds of years ago. That was the last time I ever set foot inside a YMCA. Funny how at the time I thought was miserable. No debts, made a couple hundred a day selling books with no taxes, no worries in the world and no bosses. Could do whatever I wanted whenever I pleased. You don't appreciate freedom until you don't have it anymore. The farther away in time this era in my life gets, the more it seems to glow like some long lost edenic paradise in which I had my human dignity and the future was so amazingly bright. It kept me going despite me being so lonely and seeming to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders most of the time. I had no idea how good it really was. I ate well almost every day and rarely wanted for anything. I enjoyed a sort of tranquillity that modern life is designed to take away as soon as you become engaged in it. Something of that miraculous transformation I went through has to be seen in the lens of an era when I woke up in the morning and didn't have to worry about anything except what I was willing to. You can grow a lot when your system doesn't have that constant, never-ending low level stress weighing on you around the clock. Your rent. Your mortgage. Your job. Your marriage. The bills. Breaking even. The next pay check. That stuff makes just getting enough sleep to recover back to zero the next day a major accomplishment.


Ave said...

This is why practical advice from one generation to the next is flawed : things keep on worsening.

The real reason why we will fail is because we won't be able to pry the children from all the digital distraction. Smartphones and Facebook makes you sigh at the memory of good ol' televitz. Neanderthals are not immune either.

I'm a teacher and I can see the disaster unfold dramatically in the last three years. It's not related to the "economic crisis", it is because these children are unable to make and create.

Stupid people think that "creative" means you can treat everybody like a two-year old child and fake your admiration for whatever atrocity he just painted. (This is modern art, in a nutshell)

Being creative means confronting oneself with limitations. This is why there is very little innovation and creativity around these days. Actually, the people who "do things right" reinvent the wheel all the time, they don't read some sort of "life manual".

The final aspect is that in a technological society you cannot "reinvent the wheel", or at the risk of breaking something (that is usually used by others) or some law.

This is why the hero in "Brazil" was a rogue... repair man (the idea comes from the book "The Shock of Old" which is interesting enough).

bicebicebice said...

joe said...

Low resting pulse is bad. It means suppressed metabolic rate, usually stress induced hypothyroidism. Up around 60-70 is best. Anyone with a sub-40 bpm resting pulse rate is at an elevated risk for cancer and heart disease. Pulse and IQ are correlated. Many athletes track waking resting pulse and body temperature to watch for over-training. If you're not at 55-ish bpm and 97-ish F then you have a problem and need to back off and eat more and sleep more.

Large servings of protein in isolation can be problematic because you burn through quite a bit of glycogen digesting and incorporating. Meat itself has quite a bit of glycogen in it, but generally speaking eating a huge plate of eggs or meat alone is a bad idea. You want to balance it out with potatoes or fruit or a sugary soft-drink. Otherwise catecholamines spike to trigger breakdown of protein into needed sugars. The spiked stress hormones can actually feel good, but really what's happening is lean body mass breakdown to produce glucose.

My personal experience is milk with some added sucrose (and maybe chocolate or strawberry flavoring) is pretty much a perfect balance of macros, and super convenient. Cheese and OJ also works.

deadman said...

Russell (106) said...

Reading your stories, Tex, are like reading a journal entry from one of my relatives. Bob sounds a lot like my grandpa, although my grandpa wasn't as strong as Bob, he still had a exceptionally powerful physique until the end of his life. He could have been an alpha but was more content being a beta. I don't have a single relative like you, but your stories keep echoing in my family tree.

It's uncanny.

Lugh said...

Well said. At Suzuki said in "Zen Mind, Beginners Mind, In the beginner's mind there are few limitations. In the expert's mind, there are very few freedoms. He knows all about the subject. His tea cup is full. How can he learn more?

Texas Arcane said...


The opposite advice I would give.

Out of a hundred elite bodybuilders, I never saw one with a pulse above 60. That's a distinctly unhealthy pulse and it shows weak oxygen transfer and poor circulation as well as a heart that has to work harder because it has lower volume.

As for recommending milk with sucrose, all I can say is none of the elite super humans I have ever trained with ever added sucrose to milk. We'd drink it a gallon at one go sometimes twice a day.

I read in the paper chocolate milk is now recommended. It sounds to me like the same people who said sunlight and eggs were bad for you.

I've seen a lot of strong people but never anybody healthy with a pulse 60-70. That's common amongst casual gym buffs and light calisthenics types, though.

In some elite athletes the reason the pulse drops so low is that heart volume is so colossal it can pump once and wait two full seconds before pumping again. I have heard doctors declare this is bad. Usually they are smoking while they say it. They say a lot of stuff.

All I know is my direct experience and I don't recognise anything you are talking about. Non-steroid users will find nothing better for muscle recovery than a full plate of eggs first thing in the morning. You can grow an inch by noon when you finish digesting it. You ever grow one inch in a day on any muscle group? If not, I think maybe you and I are coming from completely different worlds.

Texas Arcane said...


I forgot to mention it but at 223 pounds I ran a 5:10 mile. I never saw anybody else ever duplicate that feat. My mile never went under 4:49 even when I weighed 159 pounds in high school but I never again saw anyone who could run a mile like that at 223 pounds. You have to see that to know how unusual that is.

joe said...

Elite athletes simply tend to have exercise induced hypothyroidism from over-training. It is a physiological adaptation to conserve calories when at rest, much as metabolism drops during a famine. They are at elevated risk for disease and death. I'm sure your ubermensch buddies are exceptions, but this is a statistical fact.

Note that on the margins the pulse cannot be interpreted in isolation. It must be combined with body temperature. I would say 40 bpm first thing in the morning almost certainly means a way out of whack endocrine system.

I think you need to do some reading and revise your ideas on this. The correlations between low resting metabolic rate and many diseases is very well documented. Conversely, throughout the population people with higher pulse rates and temperature have higher IQs and live longer.

scipio afircanus said...

I am not genius, and not the first person to realize this, but i figured out 20 years ago that heart disease was an inflammatory disease, and probably did not have all that much to do with cholesterol. It was my guess that an inflamed immune system would more than likely to cause the buildup of arterial plaque. An anti-inflammatory diet (reduce/eliminate soy bean, corn peanut oils) was an obvious way to help prevent heart disease. Taking large doses of fish oil has improved my health greatly.

It cured my asthma and inflamed joints and dropped my blood pressure quite a bit.

August said...

I am doing experiments with heavy cream. I started out just trying to make a low carb cream cheese cake in an attempt to convince my diabetic boss to eat low carb. It was colder back then, so I didn't mind turning the oven on as much, and I enjoyed experimenting with the recipe. The main source of nutrients in cheesecake is cream cheese and eggs.

I felt I looked more muscular at this time. My boss wouldn't listen to me and eventually I went to eating the way I normally do, but recently I found a clean source of heavy cream and am trying extra doses of it to see if it has similar effects.

Johnny Caustic said...

Good post; thanks for the stories. I particularly liked Bob's advice on women.

bicebicebice said... it never ends here in sweden, until it all ends :/

Sitara said...

Melons solidifying their melon-ness for the next generation:

Aside from his sister marrying a billionaire Rothschild, interesting to note he called other passengers 'peasants'. A bit of the truth spoken inside the house coming out it seems.

This is Paris Hilton's brother btw.

Ave said...

Interesting head shape and image, somewhat Star-trek-ish, of one of the pioneers of computing.

He's probaly from Metaluna, though (for those who have seen : )

bicebicebice said...

HalibetLector said...

@Sitara why was somebody like that flying commercial?

HalibetLector said...

The final aspect is that in a technological society you cannot "reinvent the wheel", or at the risk of breaking something (that is usually used by others) or some law.

Really? I observe something else happening entirely. The wheel is reinvented all the time. Old technologies are constantly breaking. New tech companies break the law all the time (or break laws that haven't been written yet).

Tech is a symptom, not a cause. I can't tell you how many modern "artists" brag about never touching modern technology, even going all the way back to high school.

No, most advice certainly passes down from one generation to the next to the next to the next. Just ask Seneca and Aristotle.

HalibetLector said...

@Joe @Tex

When I was at my most fit (starting football player, New York State track qualifier in the 400m and 4x400m) my standing heart rate was 70-80. The odd thing is, if I ran in place for 10 seconds and took my heart rate again, it dropped to 50-60. I never did figure out why. Anyway, I had issues with my achilles tendon that nobody could figure out a cause for. Same with my shoulder and lower back. I was 18 and I just figured it was damage that everyone who played football suffered from on some level. Seemingly unrelated, I was also very sensitive to sunlight. I would burn at the drop of a hat. Once, a burn on my shoulder was so severe it blistered. When I saw a doctor for it, the doctor classified it as a second degree burn. My skin was also over sensitive and I itched all the time. I had to wear socks to sleep because the feel of the sheets on my bare feet kept me awake. Care to guess what my diet was growing up? Hamburger helper, hot dogs, Ramen and mac and cheese (the fake kind).

Fast forward to three years ago, when I found paleo. I started eating nothing but unprocessed food and I cut out wheat and sugar entirely. The results were staggering. Every single ailment I mentioned above stopped. The only exception is the shoulder and lower back, but I'm guessing they're either going to take time to heal or there's scar tissue from being enflamed for so long. My heart rate has dropped to 60-70 standing. I hope it drops lower after I start exercising. I just recently quit being a desk jockey for startup companies and started consulting from home in the middle of nowhere. Less stress, more flexibility in work environment, cleaner air, but I'm having trouble finding a gym that has free weights. Guess I'll have to bite the bullet and buy my own.

Anyway, just my way of saying: here's some anecdotal evidence that backs up what Tex is saying. You can be both reasonably in shape (I certainly wasn't elite) and be completely unhealthy on the inside.

scipio afircanus said...

About the village people, very few things in life are more pathetic and miserable than an old homosexual...look at pictures of themselves now, they are a sad parody of their former "fabulous" selves

I used to work with a french gay man who was a time I called him out on his lifestyle, and I told him " as a straight celibate Christian, I know am more gay than you, in the classical sense of the word," we both had a good laugh and he admitted that i was right...

Texas Arcane said...


Homosexuality is a cult of youth. When there is no youth, neither is there any capacity for amate - for rapture in love.

A married man doesn't see the woman he married get old. When he looks at her, he sees only the young girl he married. She is assured that there will be something there in his heart long after her looks have faded.

Homosexuality would ultimately be the bleakest and most empty existence you could possibly lead. It is always staring into an abyss of meaninglessness. You are not looking back to your ancestors and you are not looking forward at your descendants. You are staring into black emptiness.

Grognard said...

LOL @ Joe's 'advice'.

Eggs, milk and cheese are the healthiest things you can possibly eat. They are also very cheap for their nutritional value. If you live near a farm you can probably pick them up directly for half the supermarker price, as well, including raw milk.

I used to lift weights very seriously and still do better than what 90% of the population can do. Almost any advice some doctor or study gives you is utter crap.

There is no reason on earth for big business or snake oil salesmen to market healthy, natural foods. So you get things like studies which show that milk causes extreme osteoporosis LOL.

No one makes any money off of healthy foods, the farmers just make enough to support themselves. There is no 'profit'. A ton of wheat costs 320 dollars. You can live on it for maybe a year. If you buy it in the form of packaged food you will get a markup of about 12000%. Therefore there's a huge profit to be made in marketing GMO wheat, soy and other crap foods, terrible fad diets as well.

Where the crap about low resting pulse comes from I can't imagine, but high resting pulse = heart attack, stroke, aneurism etc.

Texas Arcane said...


I would not take Joe's advice. You would not find any people who have seriously strength trained in their lives without steroids who believe it causes hyperthyroidism. You have to wonder since it is so common in steroid users if he is actually talking about a different matter altogether.

There is a serious risk for former athletes and it is heart shrinkage. If your heart is a gigantic bass drum at the age of 25 and you are sedentary for decades after that, just as you might expect, it shrinks. It literally loses the muscle tone it once had to maintain its shape and can eventually start to fold up or collapse especially with diets that encourage arteriosclerosis.

Most bodybuilders I knew laughed at all this stuff they tell the public on television. For example, I knew in 1989 that Vitamin D was the most important nutrient in your entire diet. I was laughing at people buying sunscreen back then. Insanity. I have heard almost all the stuff Joe was saying many times in the past. That's what it is - hearsay. If any of these guys had ever spent five minutes in a gym training naturally they would know better. They never do personally take any of this advice. They never actually get in the arena. They sit on the sidelines and tell athletes they should avoid sunlight, drink chocolate milk and avoid eggs and meat. I learned a long time ago, they'll never change. It's pointless to try to explain anything to them because they already know everything with great certainty despite the fact it being something they heard somebody else say.

It is hard to find people like Arthur Jones or Ellington Darden or Buffalo Bob who know how to get results without taking steroids. It is almost a secret in some ways. The advice people give for steroid users does not apply to naturally trained athletes.

cbenediccengi said...

Herman said...

Tex is right. I'm very slender and people always misjudge me, they think because of my size that I'll hurt my back or my shoulder or what have you at work. Little do they know because of my powerlifting and meat veg and eggs diet I can pick up almost 400 pounds and I only weigh 170lbs. ( as a side note in high school I ran the mile in just over 3 minutes) Never touched steroids never will. Of course genetically my great grandpa was only 5'9" and worked from sun up to sun down on a farm with few machines. Same with my grandpa at 16 he was kicked by a 400lb cow right in the chest it moved him inches and all he got was a cut that quit bleeding in minutes. I also noticed something similar to what Tex said about kinmanship, whenever I meet one of the deep eye socketed stout folk there is always an underlying bond of honesty and understanding that words don't need to speak.