VAULT DWELLERS SERVED

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Scienmajists Explain Why Bears Don't Use The Facilities In The Woods.

Don't trust your own five senses and your intuition and instincts. Instead, trust us.

Best laid plans of mice and men. End of the Holocene. No group vote is going to change that, Sapiens. Bundle up and get ready for a million years of refreshing Neanderthal weather. Shame about being born you. I really feel sorry for you. No sarcasm. Just sucks to be you, period.

Neanderthals are the old people of the Earth. I wish I had a nickel every time over the past half century somebody has called me an "alien." The irony of me being a native. It's so dense you could use it as a dessert topping. I was born and bred in that briar patch, Saps. This warm spell has been nice but after a while the humidity makes you feel sluggish. I can't wait to jump in that snow again. It's a blast and it makes you feel alive. A shame that our kind have had to survive our own genocide, cannibalism, gang rape and caste slavery but the truth is, thirty-eight thousand years to a Neanderthal is like a long boring weekend. At the end of the day it was always Homo Sapiens who was going to be the flash in the pan. It's a cold planet, what do you expect? The native is the man adapted to the planet, not the other way around.

6 comments:

scipio afircanus said...

i'm no expert on facial typing, but Robert Welch looks like he has significant Neanderthal DNA expression in his face, with the wide set eyes and occipital bun ont eh back of his head.

He was also described as being gifted and very creative. He definitely has a strong loyalty to his people, telling the truth when all it got him was ostracism

scipio afircanus said...

Most people have no clue about how easily "civilization" could fail, due to an act of nature. All it would take is one bad harvest world wide to plunge us into chaos.

Texas Arcane said...

@Scipio

Welch = Mousterian Cross-breed.

The completely contradictory emphasis on truth in a roomful of earnest liars is the giveaway. You don't get wired like that in your head by accident. If everybody else is lying with a smile and only one guy in that room is telling the truth with little success, you just found the Neanderthal in that room.

Jack Charge said...

Don't forget, everyone's still cordially invited to the Bardarbunga party. Magma will be provided, bring your own rice.

http://volcanocafe.wordpress.com/2014/09/03/bardarbunga-update-20140903/

Auralnaut Records said...

"If everybody else is lying with a smile and only one guy in that room is telling the truth with little success, you just found the Neanderthal in that room." --Texas Arcane

One of the better quotes of the last half century. As always, thank you, Tex. You are a good man.

bicebicebice said...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2746727/Maybe-shouldn-t-looking-quite-hard-God-particle-destroy-universe-warns-Stephen-Hawking.html haha had me in stitches

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