Thursday, April 17, 2014

"Ender's Game"

I saw it tonight on cable.

Wow, this is possibly the most boring film I have ever seen. I thought the book was vastly overrated compared with the real science fiction of the golden age in the 1950's.

This was terrible. Appalling. The person who wrote this screenplay knew absolutely nothing about writing screenplays.

Orson Scott Card wrote for Ahoy! Magazine, a magazine for the C-64 I was an editor for one million years ago in the late 1980's in New York City. It was a good magazine within the confines of its budget. I thought Orson Scott Card was a mediocre writer. I knew it was ridiculous to say out loud because he was published and successful and it made me sound like an idiot to criticize his work when I had never published a novel of my own and mayhaps never will. I wrote three novels during my life, two of them not worth publishing and a third that could have been published with a couple months of rewriting. I never rewrote it. Somewhere in a landfill on Staten Island right now with cyanobacteria eating each letter one at a time off a 5 1/2 inch floppy.

Nevertheless, you'd think they could have found somebody to take those mediocre books and at least turn them into an interesting 90 minutes onscreen for the sake of the fanboys of Card's works, most of whom still live with their parents and have never kissed a girl.

They could not capture 9 minutes of my interest. I wanted 8 minutes back. Dreadful film.

"Molecular disruptor?" I think I saw one of those on the old Buck Rogers series on television. It sounded pretty corny then as well. How about "Beta Buster" or "Singularity Point Disintegrator?" I'm just pulling these names out of my ass. I gotta tell you, mine sound better.

Hollyweird says they spent $112 million on this film. I reckon I could have hung one chromakey green screen in my backyard and made this exact same film without any name talent for around  $100,000 dollars worth of quality CGI. The catering truck must charge four million dollars an hour to run up a bill like that for this film. At some points it seemed very similar to an amply budgeted student film. No real plot points, no particularly emotional moments, no real reactions to this movie while watching it. Just discordant and then over. Had the same impact of an 80's music video you forget the lyrics of ten seconds after it goes off.


Paolo Mariani said...

"Ender's Game" was the first book I ever flung at the wall in disgust. I was about halfway through, and I just couldn't take any more of the inept writing. The story is also far too predictable and the main character too whiny to hold any interest.

Chunkations said...

While reading it I felt like I was being pandered to. As an aspergers person I just felt like I was being manipulated to identify with this Ender character.

The zero-gee training made up most of the book and was pretty boring, no-one seemed capable of copying the idea of going legs first in the zero-gee chamber.