Oh wait, I meant the Catholics are selling them on his behalf, as part of his franchise!
Just another reason I am proud I was born and raised a Catholic. Nothing beats super Jeebus points for racking up those frequent flyer miles in Heaven. Where the other religions fall over is when it comes to selling exemptions for sins with cold, hard cash. I guess Christ was wrong ... a rich man can pass through the eye of the needle into heaven ... if he's got wads of green in both fists when he's doing it. The eagle flies every payday for the magical Jeebus bus of indulgences and tax-free donations. There's mud in your eye, Martin Luther! Wait, I just thought of another way to expand our profits! Let's accuse random people of witchcraft and then seize all their property while we torture them!
I guarantee you Jesus Christ is doing a goggle-eyed doubletake right now ... "I don't even ... what? How do you get this from Sermon on the Mount? I'm supposed to be the jew! These people just make me feel tired."