Tuesday, June 8, 2010

U.S. Admits It Will Soon Be Devoured By Nyarlathotep

... actually, that's the upbeat, feelgood hit of the summer outcome. At least if they are absorbed by Nyarlathotep they will have reliable day jobs and be debt-free.

The real situation is much worse.

Nyarlathotep was apparently considering absorbing the U.S. into his black maw until he checked out their credit rating and decided he didn't want any part of it. Nyarlathotep has moved to another space-time continuum as a result and is no longer answering phone calls from the United States. Actually, Nyarlathotep is plagued with bad dreams about the 'Kwa he wakes up screaming from in the middle of the night and is on heavy medication as a result. He compulsively draws strange silouhettes of Uncle Sam that fill his journals and is unable to express why this image is so disturbing.


A Monstertruck this way cometh said...

Are you confusing Nyarlathotep with Cthulhu? The latter being the entity known for swallowing people in his "black maw" as you eloquently put it. Were it not for your repetitious use of the name throughout this evening's monologue, such an elementary mistake might otherwise be overlooked.

You have once again brought dishonour upon yourself here sir, shuffling through the streets of life under the familiar veil of inaccuracy. When it's not dates it names. I'll be taking pot shots at you from the bell tower for this on your way to work. Repent!

Anonymous said...

There was a time when the Republican party had stood adamantly for the balanced budget amendment. When they finally controlled controlled government, they quietly forgot that.

The deficit is growing by $1 trillion every year. Will the kwa GDP grow by that much? Doubtful.

Anonymous said...

I got some questions for you 'a monstertruck this way cometh'...Are you familiar with HP Lovecraft? Do you ever use Google to check things out before you make a jerk of yourself? You, kiddo, are a perfect example of what Tex is talking about when he says "Man is not a thinking animal". For your edification, Nyarlathotep (also referred to as The Crawling Chaos) is a deity in the Lovecraft Cthulhu series. It can take the form of man and speaks the human language. It wanders the Earth hypnotizing vast amounts of followers using magic and it's goal is the destruction of Man.

Anonymous said...

Pure gold, Tex.

Anonymous said...

Damn you, 'a monstertruck this way cometh'. You made me dust off my HP Lovecraft compendium, from underneath my Star Trek Encyclopedia and my World of Warcraft tips book.
I will educate your young self with the full force of a 40yo comic store owner who's never kissed a girl before. Leave Mr Texas alone, goddammit.