Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Coming World Famine

Was at supermarket tonight.

Noticed vast, scary gaps in the shelves. Thought I might be the lead in a spooky made-for-television apocalyptic flick from the 1970's with Peter Graves or another famous character actor. Kept expecting Brian Dennehy to walk up behind me and say something poignant like "Weird, how all the saltines vanished, isn't it? Blinked, you woulda' missed'em, pal. Maybe there won't be any saltines to replace them. We'll see." Then he would of bit down on one of his saltines in that famous passive-aggressive manner to show me he beat me to the saltine aisle by about twenty minutes. I'd probably be one of those wooden actors like either David Hasslehoff or Michael Landon. Dennehy would have to carry my sad deadpan ass in most of the key scenes with his sparkling repartee.

Of course, I piled wheat biscuits and rolled oats up so high it constituted a possible avalanche hazard on top of the grocery cart. Good shopping for a survivalist who knows where the real staples are. Screw you and your saltines, Brian. I'm makin' me up a mess of oat mush.


Anonymous said...

Tex - How about a post about what to buy?

Texas Arcane said...

Stuff that almost nobody buys that should be the first thing you buy:

-Powdered Milk
-White Rice
-White Sugar & Brown Sugar
-Rolled Oats
-Wheat Biscuits *or* Shredded Wheat
-Self-Raising Flour
-Potato Flakes
-Pasta Sauce (Canned or powdered)
-Saltines & Dry Low Oil Crackers
-Dehydrated Vegetables
-Powdered Cordial & drink mix
-Canned Meats of any variety

You'll notice as the shortages there will be plenty of these things left until the bitter end.